If you’re lucky enough to have parents in their 70s or 80s, here are the conversations you need to be having right now

Let me start with this: having parents in their 70s or 80s is a gift. A complicated, emotional, sometimes exhausting gift—but a gift nonetheless.

It also comes with a quiet responsibility. One that most families avoid until they’re forced into it by a fall, a hospital stay, or a crisis phone call that begins with, “I didn’t want to worry you, but…”

These conversations are not easy. They’re tender. Sometimes awkward. Occasionally met with resistance, eye‑rolling, or a firm, “I’m not ready to talk about that.”

But having them now, while everyone is healthy enough to think clearly and make choices calmly, is one of the most loving things you can do—for them and for yourself.

Here are the four conversations I believe every family should be having.

1. The “Stuff” Conversation (Yes… that stuff)

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Or rather, the china cabinet. And the boxes in the basement. And the garage that hasn’t seen a car since 1998.

Many parents hold onto things for their kids. Items they believe you’ll want someday. Heirlooms. Furniture. Collections. Papers. Sentimental treasures.

Here’s the gentle truth: downsizers are often overwhelmed by their belongings—and some of what they’re keeping, they’re keeping for you, whether you asked for it or not.

This conversation isn’t about being heartless. It’s about clarity.

Ask questions like:

• What items are most meaningful to you?

• What would you really like to stay in the family?

• Is there anything you’re holding onto because you think I want it?

Then—brace yourself—be honest.

If you don’t want the dining table, the figurines, or the stamp collection, it’s far kinder to say that now than to quietly resent dealing with it later.

Helping them let go of the rest—through donating, gifting, selling, or passing items on intentionally—can be incredibly freeing for them and will save you from emotional and logistical overwhelm down the road.

Think of it as editing the story, not erasing it.

2. Living‑in‑the‑Moment Plans (Because someday is now)

This one is often overlooked—and honestly, it might be the most important.

Before conversations turn to logistics and planning, ask:

What do we still want to do together?

Is there a family trip that’s been talked about for years but never booked? A place they’ve always wanted to see? An experience you keep saying you’ll do “one day”?

Health changes quietly. Energy shifts. And the window for these shared experiences is precious.

This isn’t about extravagant travel (though it can be). It’s about intention.

• A multi‑generation vacation

• A special reunion

• A bucket‑list destination

• Even regular, planned family time that becomes non‑negotiable

Memories made now become anchors later.

And trust me—no one ever looks back and wishes they’d waited longer.

3. Aging in Place or Planning for the Next Chapter

This conversation can feel uncomfortable, because it touches on independence, identity, and the fear of change.

But ignoring it doesn’t stop aging—it just removes choice from the equation.

Ask gently:

• Does your home still support your needs?

• How do you feel about the stairs?

• Is the home easy—or exhausting—to maintain?

Often, the signs appear quietly:

• Deferred maintenance

• Difficulty with upkeep

• Reluctance to go up or down stairs

• Safety concerns in bathrooms or entryways

These are not failures. They’re signals.

The goal is not to force a move. It’s to explore options before health or finances make the decision for them.

Downsizing, modifying a home, moving closer to family, or transitioning to a more supportive living environment can be empowering—if it’s done proactively.

When these conversations happen early, they tend to be thoughtful, calm, and collaborative.

When they happen late, they’re rushed, emotional, and stressful.

Timing matters.

4. The Legacy Binder (The kindest gift you may never need)

This is the conversation no one wants to have—but everyone is grateful for when it exists.

A legacy binder (physical or digital) should include:

• Where the will is located

• Who the executor and power of attorney are

• Life insurance details and policy numbers

• Financial advisor contact information

• Banking institutions and accounts to look for

• Important passwords

• Social media access and wishes

You don’t need to see everything right now.

But you do need to know:

• Where this information lives

• How to access it in an emergency

• Who to call

Because grieving while trying to locate documents, guess passwords, and untangle finances is an emotional burden no one should carry.

Having this organized doesn’t mean you’re expecting the worst.

It means you’re planning with love.

Final Thought

These conversations are not about control. They’re about care.

They’re about preserving dignity, reducing stress, and creating space for what actually matters—connection, memories, and peace of mind.

If you’re lucky enough to have parents in their 70s or 80s, start talking now.

Not all at once. Not perfectly. Just honestly.

Future you will be profoundly grateful that you did.

Shelley Hird
North Shore Realtor® and Downsizing Specialist
www.thedownsizingspecialist.com