Beware Of The Reverse Home Invasion

Beware of this new trend! The Reverse Home Invasion…. One that only your aging parents will try to orchestrate with their decluttering… 

If you’re lucky enough to have parents in their 70s or 80s, here are the 4 conversations you need to be having right NOW.

Having parents this age is a gift. 
A beautiful, sometimes complicated kind of a gift.
But a gift nonetheless.

And woven into that gift is something we don’t talk about enough — this quiet awareness that time keeps moving. That there’s an inevitability we can feel coming for us but rarely name.

There’s also a gentle responsibility.

One most families politely ignore…
until there’s a fall.
Or a hospital stay.
Or that phone call that begins with,
“I didn’t want to worry you, but…”

And suddenly we’re scrambling.

So today, I want to address the four conversations that are worth having before that moment arrives.
Not because anything is wrong.
Not because we’re trying to rush time.
But because love — when paired with a little bit of planning — equals a whole lot less stress later.
And honestly? A lot more peace for future-you.

I’ve saved the hardest one for last paired with a helpful download to get you through… so stay with me.
Let’s dive in.

Conversation #1: The Stuff Conversation

Starting with the big one.

The reverse invasion!
And by that, I mean… the Stuff. 
The china cabinet,
the boxes in the basement,
the garage that hasn’t seen a car since 1998.

Many parents hold onto things for their kids.
Things they’re convinced you’ll want someday.
Family heirlooms. Furniture. Collections. Papers.

Here’s the gentle truth—
As a downsizing specialist I can tell you that downsizers are often overwhelmed by their belongings,
and some of what they’re keeping…
they’re keeping for you.
Whether you asked for it or not.

My parents keep sneaking musky smelling boxes full of my childhood treasures, that they have held onto since the 70’s and I have long forgotten about, back into my home. Unannounced and certainly with the best of intention.

I’m not joking, I found a 5 speed bicycle from the 80’s in my garage that they crept in when I wasn’t looking. A full size bicycle…. 
So its time for us to have some conversations.

These conversations aren’t about being ungrateful.
They are about clarity.

Asking things like:
“What actually matters most to you?”
“What would you really like to stay in the family?”
“Is there anything you’re holding onto because you think I want it?”

And then—this is the hard part—
we need to be honest.

If you don’t want the dining table,
or the figurines,
or the stamp collection (in my case)…
it’s far kinder to say that now
than to silently resent dealing with it later.

And then help them let go of the rest—
through donating, gifting, or selling—
which can actually feel incredibly freeing for them.

Think of it as editing the story,
not erasing it.

Conversation #2: Living-in-the-Moment Plans

This one might be my favourite—and it’s often skipped.

Before we talk logistics,
before we talk planning,
ask this:

“What do we still want to do together?”

Is there a family trip that’s been talked about for years
but never booked?
A place they’ve always wanted to see?
An experience you keep saying you’ll do one day?

And here’s your friendly reminder:
one day is now.

Health changes quietly.
Energy shifts.
And the window for these shared experiences
is precious.

This doesn’t have to mean luxury travel.
It could be:
a multi-generation trip,
a reunion,
a bucket-list destination,
or even intentional family time – like a weekly dinner or zoom call.

Memories are made now

And no one—
no one—
looks back and wishes they’d waited longer.

Conversation #3: Aging in Place or Planning Ahead

This is where things can feel uncomfortable.

Because this conversation touches independence,
identity,
and the fear of change.

But avoiding it doesn’t stop aging.
It just removes choice from the equation.

Often the signs show up quietly:
deferred maintenance,
difficulty keeping up with the home,
reluctance to use stairs,
safety concerns in bathrooms or entryways and
even a reluctance to partake in trips or activities due to a fixed income.

This means its time to ask the questions:
“Does your home still support your needs?”
“How are the stairs feeling these days?”
“Does the house feel manageable… or exhausting?”
“Is there something else you want to be doing with your time?”

These aren’t failures.
They’re signals.

The goal isn’t to force a move.
It’s to explore options before health or finances make the decision for them.

Because when these conversations happen early,
they’re calm, thoughtful, and collaborative.

When they happen late,
they’re rushed, emotional, and stressful.

Timing matters.

Conversation #4: The Legacy Spreadsheet

Okay.
Deep breath.

This is the one no one wants to talk about.
But everyone is grateful for when it exists.

A legacy spreadsheet—physical or digital—should include:
where the will is,
who the executor and power of attorney are,
insurance policy details,
financial advisor contact info,
banking institutions,
important passwords,
and yes… social media access.

You don’t need to see everything today.

But you do need to know:
where this information lives,
how to access it in an emergency,
and who to call.

Because here’s the hard truth — very few families actually take the time to organize this. And trying to grieve while simultaneously playing detective… guessing passwords, digging through filing cabinets, calling banks on hold for hours… that is an emotional weight no one should have to carry.

I recently went through this with my own parents.
It’s awkward. It feels heavy. You might want to change the subject to literally anything else.
But once it’s done? The peace of mind is priceless.

We plan for everything in society.
Airplane safety demonstrations.
Cruise ship drills.
Fire escape routes.

Yet somehow, we skip the one life drill that every single family will eventually face.

That’s why I created a Legacy Spreadsheet — and I’ll link it here so you can download it and share it with your family. It walks you through exactly what to document:
accounts to look for,
advisors and key contacts,
life insurance policies,
and yes… those all-important passwords.

And here’s the funny part.

After organizing this with my parents, I realized I didn’t know half of this information about my own husband. So guess what? We had our own “romantic evening of spreadsheets.” Nothing says love like two-factor authentication.

But truly — this isn’t about expecting the worst.

It’s about protecting the people you love from chaos during one of the hardest seasons of their lives.

Getting organized at any age means you’re thoughtful.
It means you’re responsible.
It means you’re planning with love.

In Closing

These conversations aren’t about control.
They’re about care.

In my experience as a downsizing specialist and seniors real estate specialist -

They protect dignity.
They reduce stress.
They make space for what really matters—
connection, memories, and peace of mind.

If you’re lucky enough to have parents in their seventies or eighties,
start talking now.

Not all at once.
Not perfectly.
Just honestly.

Sometimes, just opening the door
is enough.

And future-you?
They’ll be very grateful you did.

Shelley Hird
North Shore Realtor® and Downsizing Specialist
www.thedownsizingspecialist.com